I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
