im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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