you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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