someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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