I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i permit you to call me
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
