Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
this beer tastes like vomit already
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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