Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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