I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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