have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
This is the high leading the old right now
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
