My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
