You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
