my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
