Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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