She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
