May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
