I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?