Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now