I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
