I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
