my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize