Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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