I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
