ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
