sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
