Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
