i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
