Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
