Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
