I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
