If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
