i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
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She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
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Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina