So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.