this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER