Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.