Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.