When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone