my room smells like sperm. sweet.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
