You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
