All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
