This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
