I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
