you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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