I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
