just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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