How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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