I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
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we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
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Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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