Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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