Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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