as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
