my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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