Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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