You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
