been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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