yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
