i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
