Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
