i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
