he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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