he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
