Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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