i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
