I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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