can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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