Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
