So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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