dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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